Welcome!


Welcome! I am glad you are here. Join me with a cup of your favorite beverage and see what is going on in my life and what is on my mind. I would love to have you join my site and you can do that on the left side where it says 'followers'. And please leave a comment! Thanks for visiting.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Keeping up a home and being a widow



In reading a few other blogs, I have seen some mention their determination to keep a comforting and welcome home for their family. I guess I never consciously thought in those terms, but that was my goal, at least subconsciously. I didn't keep a perfect home by any means. All of us creative people know that we can be messy. After all, when we are being creative we don't have time to be neat too!

I did make sure that vacuuming, floor mopping, dusting, bathroom cleaning and all that goes with a clean house was done at least once a week. When the kids were small there were always toys all over, dishes waiting to be washed (before the days of dishwashers especially), meals cooking, baking, not to even mention my crafting, sewing and needlework projects in the process of being worked on. Add a cat and dog in the house to the mix and sometimes it was utter chaos. But it was clean under all the clutter.

My second husband hated clutter, especially if it wasn't his stuff. Know what I mean? And since it was just the two of us, and I did not work outside the home anymore, I made a special effort to keep my clutter picked up as much as possible. But he could be reading the newspaper and lay it wide open on the edge of the couch, and it could stay there for days and that did not bother him. (sigh) But that is another story for another time. After he passed away I was still doing okay with the housekeeping. I kept very busy separating my things from what was my husband's before we got married as his daughter was coming five months later to pack up her dad's things and have them moved to California where they live. I didn't expect any problems with that, but I did want to make sure it was all separated before they got here as I knew she had no idea of all the things that were mine. And she didn't, but again, another story for another time. At least she did not argue about those things and it all went very well.

I was handling things fairly well through all this time. But then, I got an email from her husband a year later saying they had decided to sell the house and I would have to move out. I knew when we got married that his daughter would inherit the house and I was fine with that as I was moving into his home. Everyone that knew him thought he should have given me life estate in the house so that I could stay living there. But I know deep in his heart that he thought his daughter would want to come back and live in that house as it was her childhood home. Unfortunately he was the only one that thought that. Now I was being kicked out and not enough money to buy a house, though my son suggested I try to buy the house from them, which I really didn't want to do for various reasons.

Then I find out they already had a buyer and an agreement with them. The buyer had even contacted the step son-in-law at the time of my husband's death! He had hinted to me in a strange way that someone was interested right after the funeral, but we all thought he was bluffing, plus he said they would never put me out of the house. That just put me in a tailspin as the last straw of all that I had been through in the last 2 years. I went into a depression and finally had to get medication, but it still rendered me helpless. I could not make myself clean or start packing to move, but just sit at the computer and play games.


I did have six months to find another place so started looking for a house to rent, and there are very few of them in town. But I did find this small one bedroom house with rent that I could afford. I
moved in with the help of the good people of my church and one of my daughters. They had me totally moved within 1 1/2 hours! And all I did was stand and direct people while my daughter was at the new house directing people as to where to put things. There were even some ladies from the church that came and helped pack a couple of days before the move. Another story for another time.

Condensing 6 large rooms plus bathroom and kitchen, and a full basement, into 4 rooms plus small bath and no basement is not easy! I feel like I am stuffed in here using a shoe horn. And that is after I got rid of as much stuff as I could. If I had money I would get rid of everything and buy furniture to fit the house, but I can't do that. I do keep trying to declutter all the time, and I do get rid of stuff quite often. But it is still cramped as far as I am concerned. There is a difference between being cozy and being cramped. :-)

Back to the housekeeping. Ever since I moved I still can't get into a pattern of cleaning here. I don't know why. Part of it is because my body doesn't move as fast or as well so it takes me so much longer to get anything done. My back gives out and I have to sit and rest every few minutes, plus I think I was born with low energy levels and now I run out of energy so much sooner. But those are excuses. If you have ever watched Dr. Phil you know that he is always saying, "No buts!" I really don't have any excuse for not keeping my house comfortable and welcoming.

I need to listen to what Stedman Graham said, "If you keep doing the same thing every day and getting nowhere -- then it is time to change what you do." So I am working at it. Things won't change overnight but I have made myself accountable by writing it all here. And I have made some progress already. I just need to continue what I am now doing and add more to it. I can use some prayers that I might have some success in this area.

9 comments:

  1. Hi Lorita, have you heard of Flylady? Not everything she does works for me, but during the time I had severe anemia I would follow her routine a bit. I would do 15 minutes cleaning in the kitchen, 15 in the LR, 15 in the bedroom, then rest. I would start again, but this time do 15 minutes of decluttering in each room. Sometimes I had to stop after 15 minutes to rest, but in time it got done.

    Go with what works for you, even if only 15 minutes a day. I learned that my bath(I hate cleaning it) only took me 15 minutes top to bottom, same with the fridge. I had to end the excuses with those two;-)

    blessings, jilly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jilly. I do know Flylady and get her emails every day, and actually follow them once in a while. ;o) It is a good plan and I hope to get the routines down and stick to them eventually. I have always enjoyed organizing too, but have found it really hard to keep at it here in this little house with no room to turn around in, and lack of storage space. I do appreciate your suggestions and keep them coming! I have 'only' lived here almost 6 years and progress is s. . .l. . .o. . . w. LOL. And I am not going to get anything done today if I don't get off this computer. So I am off to make snickerdoodle bars for the church potluck tonight.

      Delete
  2. All caught up once more. I try to read about ten blogs a day...I have enough on my favorites list to hit that many just about every day, lol. I may need to cull them out but I'm better at that with blogs than I am with books.

    Enjoyed my catch up and am glad you started a blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Terri. I am glad you stopped by. I am not good at keeping up with all my blogs either, and I know I am missing some good stuff when I don't. We just can't do it all, can we.

      Delete
  3. I am making myself do my 15 min in each are before I can get online, and if it is a bad fibro day, I just do the basics and 15 min in zone before I can get online, I try to have it done even before my soap.

    is The picture a lamp of yours or one you got online somewhere? I really like it..

    Tracey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good ideas, Tracey! I think my problem is both physical and mental. For some reason my brain refuses to let me do what I know I need to do. I will keep working at it. As far as the lamp in the picture, I wish it was mine! I don't remember for sure where I got the picture but I think maybe Terri had it on her blog a long time ago? Wherever I saw it, I fell in love with it, and if teapots weren't so expensive I would try to find some pretty ones like that and make my own lamp, or find some handy person with the right tools to do it for me.

      Delete
    2. Look at yard sales, and thrift stores for some tea pots, or post on your local free cycle

      Delete
  4. There is always tomorrow! It's more important to love the people around me than be always be working. I am not nearly as fussy about my house as I used to be. a lesson learned from Gramps when he retired, and wanted to go for a walk in the woods on a nice day, or linger on the porch on a summer evening. I finally figured out the most comfortable homes that I have been in have not been the big impressive, perfect ones, but the ones where I was greeted with a warm sincere smile, an honest come on in and sit for a while. Let me put on the coffee, and tell me about your day. If there is a magazine or hobby laying around it tells me the person is enjoying their life, not obsessing over how to make their home perfect for people who probably don't care anyway. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! Now off to read a couple of blogs and then do some ironing. Have a wonderful Easter celebration as we commerate what Christ did for us hanging on that cross. Grandma D.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, Grandma D. I am not looking for perfection, just a happy medium, and presentable enough that I am not ashamed to have someone come to my door. When my husband wanted to go fishing, we went fishing whether I had my work done or not. Those are cherished memories. May you also have a wonderful Easter weekend.

      Delete

I would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment.