mal·aise [ mə'leiz, mæ'leiz, mə'lez ]
1. general feeling of being worried or unhappy. a general feeling of being worried, unhappy, or not satisfied
1a. feeling of being slightly sick. a feeling that you are slightly sick, although you cannot say what exactly is wrong
2. situation of not operating effectively. a situation in which a society or organization is not operating effectively
en·nui [on’ wi]
a feeling of being bored. a feeling of being bored and having no interest in anything
These definitions are copied from the dictionary references in my MS Word program. When I looked them up in my old dictionary, malaise is more physical and ennui is more the mental state of mind. I am not worried about anything and not exactly unhappy or unsatisifed, and not really sick, but just not up to par. Know what I mean? And I have no reason to be bored as I have plenty of my favorite things around me that I can do, and one is writing my blog. But for some reason I seem to have lost interest in doing much of anything but laze around. It sounds a little like depression, doesn't it? But I have no reason to be depressed either. I do think I can contribute these feeling to one main thing, and that is sugar overdose. I have been eating far too many sweets to be healthy recently. And since I am addicted to sugar, once I start with it, it seems impossible to quit and I just crave more and more. I know it is not impossible to quit as I have done it before, but it is very difficult. And I know that it makes me sluggish both physically and mentally. And it magnifies the physical aches and pains that are always with me.
So anyone with a brain will say, "Then why don't you just quit?" Easier said than done, at least for me. So then I wonder, "Am I deliberately trying to punish myself? Why am I sabotaging myself? I know what I have to do, so why don't I do it?" I wish I had the answer. If I slam the door on my finger, it hurts, and so I try not to do it again. I know sugar hurts me in many ways, so why do I continue to do it? Help! I need to slap myself and wake up right now.
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I have not updated on my garden for awhile either. Let's see, was it a week ago, or more, when I got tired of having the tray of seedlings on top of my kitchen sink? Anyway, the threat of frost was over so I bought some more potting soil and got them planted in pots and tubs out on my patio. I also planted a few green beans and radish seeds, and more flower seeds. I even put the romaine and celery butts in dirt. The romaine is not doing well but the celery seems to be doing ok so far. The 12 tomato plants are doing nothing. Actually there are only about 3 plants that have survived the horrible winds we have had since I planted things. Since the moss roses were so tiny I am not even sure I can find them back. I don't understand why those plants I started inside are not growing at all. The lettuce from seed is also not growing much but they are still green. I did put some radish seed in with the lettuce plants and they all sprouted immediately and are growing like crazy. Can anyone tell me why all the plants that were started inside are doing nothing? So far the strawberries that I planted are doing nothing as well. One morning I saw a squirrel pulling at the cocoa fiber pot liner. It had a huge ball in its mouth at last, then hopped down to the patio table, adjusted the ball in its mouth and took off. No wonder the liner is disappearing!! And now the other day I saw a robin pulling on some of the fiber, then jumped in the planter and sort of nestled in the dirt a bit and left. So now I know why there are depressions in that dirt, too. I love my birds and squirrels, but COME ON! After going to all this work (and it is work for me) I am not so sure I will attempt this again next year. At least not the part of starting seeds early. I think I need to just stick to my needlework. I enjoy that much more, including the results of the hard work. One more thing as far as gardening - I also took my Boston fern and the pot of begonias that I kept in the house all winter and hung them outside on the double shepherd hook. Then it got really windy for several days and beat them all up. I was really proud of how well I kept that fern going all winter, the best I have ever done. I am sure it will come back again but they both are looking pretty sad at the moment. The storm we had Sunday night, with 73 mph winds that broke many trees all over town, and the deluge of rain that came with it, did not help either. But they are still out there on the hooks. Amazing they did not blow away.
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Memorial Weekend was pretty quiet for me, as usual. My two daughters and twin grandkids did come for a few hours on Sunday afternoon. I asked them if they would pick up all the twigs that were in the yard for me, and they ended up with a garbage can full again. But that was before the storm. Now there are many more and larger ones to pick up. At least I was lucky in that they are all dead branches and not half of a green tree like so many in the neighborhood had down. I am very thankful that I was spared.
I am also very thankful to the mystery angel that came and mowed my lawn Saturday evening. I have no idea who did it yet. Hopefully someone will eventually step forward and admit to doing it. But if not, I can still praise the Lord for sending this person. The grass was really getting long and I was dreading the thought of mowing. We had a hot and humid week, plus very windy, and I don't do well with mowing in any of that. The forecast said it would be cooler and dry on Monday so was planning to mow then. The forecast was right, but I didn't have to mow.
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I just got back from a long break. I went out and tackled the limbs and twigs on the lawn in two sessions. I got a large garbage can packed full plus a good stack of the bigger limbs that were too long or thick to get in the can. The two full garbage cans and the stack are all on the south side of my garage, in line where my landlord can plainly see them. I am depending on him to take care of it all. He like to use it for campfire wood. Sure wish he would do the picking up, too, since he gets to use it all, but that isn't going to happen. He can't be blind to seeing how hard it is for me, since he saw me working at it today, but that doesn't seem to matter to him.
Now that I have that job done I am done for the day as well. There are dishes to wash but they will wait for me. And I could do a load of laundry but am not desparate for what is in that load, so that can wait as well. I got the bigger load done on Saturday and that is the one I needed the most, so all is good for now.