CHURCH TERMS THAT OUGHTA BE

I had clipped the following from a church magazine some time ago, and just ran across it again. I am sharing it with you, and then I get to throw the paper away because I will have it recorded here. One less paper in my pile!

ROBELASH: When the sleeve of a robe catches the arm of a pew and abruptly turns the person sideways -- and becomes a pain in the neck. (When you witness robelash, look for that person after worship to offer a neck rub and some kind words.)

BIBLIDUE:  The build-up of bookmarks, bulletins, notes, and other miscellanea that collects in one's Bible.
(guilty of this one!)

HYMNASTICS:  1. The entertaining body language of the song leader. 2. The contortions of juggling multiple songbooks.

NARTHEXEGESIS: Unsolicited post-sermon commentary given the preacher by armchair biblical theologians.
(don't know how to pronouce this? --- narthex.eh.gee.sis)

PEWTRIFY: To occupy a precise spot in the sanctuary for more than fifteen years without once, showing signs of sentient life.
( I had to look up what sentient means - able to perceive; feel things; conscious)

DEACONSCRIPT: An unwilling church officer cajoled into a position of leadership.

HYMNPROVISATION:  The abrupt and unannounced transition from one song to another, usually a chorus unfamiliar to most present.
(that is when our praise team are the only ones singing.)

PULPTUITARY: That phenomenon familiar to those seated on the front pew, during which a preacher produces hazardous conditions with alliterative Ps.


I hope this gave you a giggle or two.