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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Good News/Bad News Game

The Good News about living alone - you get to make all the decisions yourself - no arguing with anyone. The Bad News about living alone - you get to make all the decisions yourself. You not only 'get' to make those decisions, but you 'have' to make all decisions yourself. And not all decisions are fun to make alone. Maybe those decisions are easier to make alone if you have never been married, and have always had to decide things for yourself. But that isn't me. I went from living with my parents right into being married for 25 years, before I actually lived alone and supported myself for 2 1/2 years, and then married again. I don't feel comfortable making those big decisions about investments, buying large things like TV's and other electronics that I don't know much about, a different car, and the list goes on.

Good News - no one telling me what to do. Bad news - no one telling me what to do. No one but myself to be accountable to get things done that need doing. And - no one to help do them. If something needs to be done, I am the only one available to get it done. I always had a husband to clean out the car, wash and vacuum it, not to mention the waxing and polishing. Now, since my body doesn't take kindly to the physical exercise of hand washing and waxing a car, I have to take it to the automatic car wash and drive through, paying the extra dollar to have some wax sprayed on after washing - no buffing. And since I am on such a tight budget, it doesn't even get washed very often. I guess it is a good thing that my van is white as it doesn't show the dirt and dust as bad as a darker one, but I don't like white cars. I love color!

There is only me to get any yard work, lawn mowing,view details and outside repairs and upkeep done that was always the man's domain with both my husbands. I like doing those things but my body doesn't. Frustration is the word. Same goes with painting - inside and outside, and washing windows. I usually washed the inside while my husband did the outside until he was physically unable to do it. view details I could go on and on with a list of things my husband considered his jobs. He always went grocery shopping with me, and always carried the bags into the house.view details I would love an extra pair of legs and arms to do that for me now. When you are younger you don't think about those things because you have the energy and ability to do them yourself. But as you get older it doesn't work so well anymore.

I am not saying these things to complain (well, maybe a little. LOL) but to remind others they should be thankful for all their husbands do for them. We all tend to complain about husbands sometimes. You know you do! And we don't always agree with them and their ideas, but that is just because men think differently than women. We need to show our appreciation for all they do for us. I know I didn't do that enough throughout the years. After a few years we just expect them to do those things, and complain when they don't, but don't thank them when they do it. Men need to know that what they do is appreciated, and that they are appreciated for just being there.
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Any Dr. Phil fans out there? I have watched his show quite faithfully since he started, and so often wish that he had been on tv when I was first married 50 years ago! I needed someone like him to show me what I was doing wrong and how to do it right. Now it is a bit late for me, but  I can pass on some of the wisdom now. And you never know, I may need it again. I am not looking for another man, but that doesn't mean I am not open to it if the right one comes along


  1. Thanks so much for your honesty Lorita.

    I read many blogs where the wife is complaining about not enough money for this sofa or that lamp. I have my complaints about my husband like we all do from time to time(his PTSD, which frustrates us both), but I am grateful that I can stay home. It is tough right now living on half his Navy retirement(two more child support payments)and his housing for college, but it is my job to support him. Belly aching about less money would cause him to go back to work and never finish his degree. I could go back to work, but I would not be able to help and support him with his classes as his PTSD can cause more stress for him. Learning to live within our means, and someday that will be just his retirement is important to us.

    You are right. Far too many husbands do not get the support and encouragement or the thanks that they deserve.

    blessings, jilly

    1. Jilly, it sounds like you are a really smart woman! Good for you for supporting your husband this way. I am sure the PTSD is difficult for both of you. It makes me happy to hear that he is trying his best and getting working for his degree.

      One version of the Bible says in Proverbs 21:9 -- It is better to live in a corner of a roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman. (NASB) King James Version says, " It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house." In the houses of today, that would be a corner of the attic. I think that says it all.

      May God bless you both for hanging in there and trying your best.

  2. Great post Lorita! You are right in that we don't always appreciate the ones we have around us until they are gone and we have to do everything ourselves. I really appreciate and love my husband for he puts up with me without complaining!!


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